Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
did i just pee glitter
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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