in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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