Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
