Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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