Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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