Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
