no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
