through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
