Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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