Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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