My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
