She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
