my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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