Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
