walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you win again, gameday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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