I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
