He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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