i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
