I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
