I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She announced her abortion via fbk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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