Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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