i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this hospital has no fireball
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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