it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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