you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
