It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
