make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I checked into jail on foursquare
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
