I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
