You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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