Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's like iHOP with fire
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
