You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
