dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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