went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
