im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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