I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
