I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
