"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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