May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
