Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
