Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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