dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
