I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
