Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
