I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
