I just threw up on my dentist
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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