So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
