suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
