She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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