You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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