I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
