Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
