i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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