dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
