Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
