He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
