connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
