threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
