It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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