I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
