I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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